you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
