youre lurking in front of me
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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