I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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