he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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