Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
