In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
