Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
