My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
