Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
