Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
