Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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