oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
