watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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