You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
