im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
