Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
