If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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