Just cropdusted the office
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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