you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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