just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
