I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
