sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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