I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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