Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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