I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
