she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
