Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
