why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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