Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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