He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
