I wish my penis had an off switch
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
