I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
