Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
