what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
