All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
