Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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