lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
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