her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
