Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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