So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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