he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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