i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
