Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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