Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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