i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
