Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
