the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The air taste purple.
Randomize
