There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
