Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
