I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I love you. Go after that dick
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
